Jul 12, 2008

BEAUTIES AND THE BEAST

DESPERATELY SEEKING YETI!

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The movie opens with a weird narrator, who never appear again in the movie, who sits half obscured by bushes, crouching with binoculars, and tells us; “That the story we are about to see, could be real.” Welcome to the incredibly inept Bigfoot movie “Beauties and the Beast”. Our good friend Bigfoot is stomping around in the forest looking for women he can kidnap and bring to his nearby cave to do god knows what.
Okay, let me just pause here for a minute... I really don’t know how to describe the plot of this movie, there is nothing in this film that has anything to do with the rest of the film. There are some scenes in the beginning of Bigfoot kidnapping more nubile girls, some scenes of Uschi Digard arriving to a cabin with her friend. And some hippies popping up out of nowhere like so much else in the film. I’ve got a headache already…

Beauties and the beast from 1974 is one incredibly stupid little movie and trying to sum up the nonexistent plot is really hard, I’m sorry I did my best… But this is not the kind of movie you’d be watching if you are into unnecessary things like plot, acting, continuity or dialogue. So what are we left with if you strip all these elements from the film? Sex, boobies and some of the most incredibly hilarious lines and sequences in a Bigfoot movie you’ll ever see. Most of the time it felt like I was watching a Doris Wishman feature, for those of you who don’t know what that means; Bad dubbing, hilarious dialogue, no sync, barely any continuity, overlong shots and a lot of library cues. The plot in the movie changes almost abruptly in every scene, making it very hard to follow what goes on. It’s very probable that the crew rewrote the script for every scene they shot. There is even some sequences during the last part of the movie where, the hippies have been bathing and running around in the nude, and in the next scene, Digard and another girl is running through the woods witch is now covered in snow, dressed in a heavy jackets.

The thing that probably will attract most viewers to this film is to se the talents of Swedish bombshell Uschi Digard, and I’m not talking about her acting talents. Her acting in this movie is so horrible that it’s almost not funny, luckily it doesn’t go long before the” unholy two” are being flashed before the camera, and every detail about her acting abilities are quickly forgotten. Most of the sex scenes in the film work pretty well, although some of them are a bit too long. To my big disappointment, there are no scenes of Bigfoot-on-woman action, besides for a brief breast fondling scene featuring our hairy friend. There are some really hilarious and bizarre moments in the film, a long surreal dream sequence where two naked girls have a western duel, complete with gun belts right above their muffs. And my favorite scene; a tender love scene becomes unexpectedly broken up when the couple rolls over on a rubber duck which gives off a loud squeaking noise (!?!?!).The movie is so stupid, so surreal, so inept, and yet so much fun! So if you are like me, a fan of these superbly stupid sex films from the golden age of smut, a little Bigfoot only sweetens the deal! Dig in!!

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